3 Months

Wow..
It has been three months today, of how long my Cody's been gonee..
And let me tell you..Its been a tough three months..
So many things remind me of him.. I just can't stand it.. I miss him terribly.
And iat times i still don't believe it, and i want im back homeee..

I still can't believe that it has been three months.. This time has just flown.. =/.
But i'd give anything to have my Cody back. =/.

I love you, and miss you terribly Cody.
Love Kody :)

Almost..

Dear Cody,
Its almost been a full two months since you've been gone..
And WOW.. I can't believe you've been gone that fucking long.. I miss you so much, you have no ideaa. I just.. Wow. Sitting here looking back..If someone woulda said two months from now, You'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, Cause they're all wrong.... Who knew..?
I know what's done is done.. But i want you back here.. =/.
I'm still waiting for this all to be a horrible dream to wake up outta..

But even with you gone.. I'm doing so much.. I do what i want now.. and i dont care what my mom thinks.. and i'm ordering my FCKH8 shirts.. "Some Dudes Marry Dudes..get Over it!"
And im gonna wear it with PRIDE! :D

I do love you Cody.. And i regret every minute that I wasn't able to tell you that I did..
Love you always,
Kody :)

Ahh

Dear Cody.

First off, I miss you like crazy.. There isn't a DAY that goes by when I don't think about you..

And on Sunday I was on my way to work..And I was at the stop light just sitting there.and all of a sudden, i look in my mirror, and see your cute little license plate cover coming, and then i realized it was your car!
I litterly jumped for joy! And said, "Yay, I can see my Cody. He's back!"
And then I realized it was your mom driving.. (Not like thats bad!)
I just expected you to be there..
I love you darlin,
And i miss you terribly..

Love always,
Kody :)

Hmmm..

Dear Cody,
Wowww..
So today has for some reason, been REALLY long..
I woke up.. And for some reason, Cody was just instilled into my mind.. And he wouldn't leave me all day.. =/.
It just made me realize how much I truly do miss him. And how much I love him.
I just wish that I had one more chance to prove that to him.. Because.. I.. Idk.. I miss him terribly..
It kills me to think that he's gone..
But I just feel that he is going to text me to hang out again.. And that he isn't gone...

*sigh*..
Now I'm just rambling.. and missing him terribly.. =/.

I love you Cody,
Forever and always....

Kody..

Ahh..

Dear Cody..
So I just looked through all of your senior pictures.
And wow.. You're so amazing babe.. I miss you so much..

Seeing those pictures, and your smile.. Just made me miss you more..
I just wish you coulda seen how much I did love you, because I do love you so much. I just wish that I woulda told it to you.. And now that you've left.. I can't say it enough..
Even though what's done is done.. :'( I still wish with every bone in my body that its all a dream..and that I could be in your arms tonight..
Anywayyy.. I miss you hun, and I love you sosososososo much..

Love Always,
Kody :)

Three months

Dear Cody.
Today is our three month anniversary!
And I just wanted to say, I love you, and I miss you more than you'd ever imagine..
You were and ARE The best thing that has ever happened to me..
I just wish you were here so that I could take you out for our anniversary..

Tonight I just want you here in my arms,
And I'd give anything just to have that wish come trueeee...

Anywho..
I love you Cody..And I will always miss you..More than you'll know..
And happy three months hun :)

Love always,
Kody :)

I miss you..

Dear Cody,

I miss you, I miss your smile.. and I still shed a tear every once in a while.... and my heart won't let you go..

Oh Cody.. How I miss you so much.. I know i say that a lot.. But its true. I miss you more than words can ever say..
And I just wish that I coulda been there for you more often.
Honestly so many things remind me of you.. And I just wish you were here in my arms.. =/.. and I wish I coulda told you that I love you. Because I realyl do. And I apologize for never actually saying it to you. So I love you Cody J Barker.. Forever and always.. Just wish I coulda told it to you..

Love always,
Kody.

=/.

Dear Cody,
I don't know where to start..
I miss you..So much.. And I just wish that you could be here.
Because you being gone, just plain fucking sucks..
I don't even know where to start with all this.. i Just.. *sigh*

Theres only so much I can say.. And I just don't know what to say besides I miss you more than EVER.. =/.. And that I love you, and always will. <3

I just wish you could be here with me.. In my arms, and everything will be all ohk..

Love ALWAYS..
Kody <3

Sigh..

I don't even know where to start...

All I've been thinking about lately.. Is Cody.. =/.. I miss him more than words can even describe.
He was the best thing that I EVER had..And the best thing I ever will have had..
And ugh..That stupid ass.. I just..I don't even knoww.. I'd give anything to have him back here in my arms..
I still don't believe he's gone.. I'm waiting for his text to tell me to get my ass over there, so we can do something.. =/. I just..
I can't do this..

I Miss You..

Dear Cody,
Oh how it has been just over a month
And how I can't deal with you being gone..
I'm just waiting to wake up from this horrible horrible dream,
And look at my phone and have a text from you telling me to "get my ass over there"
But that isn't gonna happen.. =/.

Oh Cody.. I just wish you would have said something.. We all woulda been there for you, me included..
I know I wasn't the best at that with my parents.. But I woulda been there for you in a heartbeat..
*Sigh* I know i can't do anything anymore, whats done is done.. But oh how I just wish that things were different..
I miss you BEYOND what words can even begin to describe..

I love you, and i miss you..
-Kody

:(

So this summer was like pretty amazzzing! Better than i thought it would be..
I had some good times with my besties! :)!
I got to goto camp as a counselor,
I got two jobs! :D! (Which I didn't think would happen.)
..I also got me a boyfriend :) which I'm super super happy about! :)!
Ironic thing.. His name is also Cody! :)! Which I think is super cool! ha!


So tonight I decided to ask my mom if i was allowed to date..
Ah yeah, that didn't go as well as planned.. She basically told me I wasn't allowed to.. And then proceeded to tell me that if I lived my life the way that I wanted to, bad things would happen to me, and I wouldn't be happy the way that it was going from there.. =/.. which I totally get.. But you think a mother would be happy for you.. and not try to put you down like that....? That's how I look at it anywaysssss.. =/.
I just want one of those relationships where I can tell my parents whats actually happening in my life, rather than lie like I have been practically all summer.. =/.

Summer '010 :)

Ahh,
So it has almost been an ENTIRE month of summer vacation! And so far..It still is boring as hell!

Even though my parents barely ever let me out.. I've actually been hanging out with people quite a bit..More than I thought.. But its all during the day.. Not much at night, which is when i get most bored..

BUTTTT... I'm hoping that, that all changes very sooon! Tomorrow morning i have a job interview at Scheels :) Which im SUPPPPPERRRRRR excited about! At first I didn't wanna work there.. But now thinking about it.. I really wouldn't mind working there! So I'm really hoping that i get the job :)

Ahh..So.. Summer '010 started Tuesday
And at first I was like ahh.shit..this is gonna be the most boring-est summer
Cause one..I can't afford to go anywhere..So basically i juss sit at home..
Two.. Cause My moms ALWAYS Home in the day :(, And that basically just sucks
Threee.. Is i've basically sat around so far

BUTTTTTTT...That all changed like.. Yesterday
Me and sara started to hang out more.. Bike rides around town, and shit like that. And I don't know. It made me happy cause, basically thats all i've done And then last night.. Kayce Sara, and Me... went to the theaters to see DATE NIGH! :)! It was SO GREAT I love hanging out with them :)
And then tonight.. I'm waiting on Kaitlyn to get done babysitting.. and then I'm gonna drive over to her house.. And she's gonna drive to T-BELL :) Which im super excited about :)

Ahh.. thats enough for now :P

Hmm..Bad day?

Soo.. Idk..
Rough afternoon basically.. =/.
The school parking lot is like so hard to get out that if you want out..cut people off.and squeeze in wherever you can!
So basically I did that, and I cut wyatt off..
And sarcastically I texted him and was like Hey,thanks for letting me out :)
And then he texted me back, just screaming at me,saying I almost hit him,and that he hates me, and that he hopes I crash my car and diee...
And then we got into this like, HUGE fight..Over everything that we possibly could have..
And I don't know it just like set me over the edge, because like everything that he said..I don't know.. It juss made me mad.. and Idk..It was so dumb the way that he was saying the stuff..Like how much he hated me..and a bunch of other BS I can't say otherwise Mrs B will yell at me.. =/.

So like I don't know that stuff really made me like super madd.. =/.

And on top of it..My report card came..
I'll admit..It wasn't the greatest..But it's pretty good for the class load that I havee..
I had a 2.9GPA for the quarter..and my dad is sitting here telling me that it needs to be at LEAST a 3.0..But yet he doesn't get how hard my class load is..With the two math classes.. =/.It took him like 2-3 years to pass algebra one.. so yeah..

Ugh!

Eh..Bad weekend..

Soo..
I don't know,
This weekend was by far one of the worst in a long time..
Why?
Because I used to talk to my friend, like ALL the time... I didn't talk to her like at all! The only time I talked to her was when I asked her if she wanted a ride to school..
And since I haven't talked to her.. I also haven't talked to our other friend since, like Thursday..
I don't know what I did... But I don't know that I wanna try anymore to be their friends.. Or if i should just give up.. =/.

And I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.. I started talking to this person..And noww.. I've fallen for that person.. One good thing is that they ACTUALLY live here in Wisconsin! But.. He lives across the state :(...

Eh, I just needed to write, to get all this BS off my minddd...